Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
