You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
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When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
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Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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