i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
just found out that she named her cat after me.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
