do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
