Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
