she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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