Your mouth is God's brothel.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
