We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
