Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
