You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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