Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
