Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
