I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
