I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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