Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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