Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
