i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
