Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
