Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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