he told me I talked like a deaf person
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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