I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
