drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize