that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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