It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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