So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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