Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
