I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
