I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
ttyl tear gas
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
