he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
