some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
