it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
