This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
