I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize