i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
