Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
