he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
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So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
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Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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