How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
