My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
