They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
