Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
The Olympian is in my bed
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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