if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
50% drunk capacity currently
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism