I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i think i scared a bird with my dick
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes