That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.