Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.