just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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