I didn't shave. On purpose
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
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