i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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