So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
