I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
