is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
