my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
nutella sex= disaster
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
