I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
