he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
