Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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