i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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