I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
