I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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