well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
