Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
