if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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