i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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