i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize